I am so frustrated with this relationship. I can feel you getting frustrated with me too, and I can't even stop it now. I just feel us falling apart. How dare you tell me that we can't let this end when I've already made my peace with it. How dare you tell me that you love me when you go and treat me like this the next few days. How can just you say "we're not breaking up" so it fits your agenda -- I can't even do it anymore; I'm gonna be miserable whether we stay together or not -- I know exactly how it would end. In a year you'd want to break up because you wouldn't want to be tied down. You're being selfish. And I'm being harsh, but I guess it's been building up.
You have no idea what I've been through for you. You don't have to fight with your family to be with me, but I have to for you. I've had my whole family yelling at me over this. You have no idea what it's like on my end of this relationship. I'll stay up til 5am talking to you even if I'm exhausted, but as soon as you're tired that's it. Every time I cook something I'll bring you some or invite you over; you don't have to ask for it. Even when I'm with my friends I'll keep texting you because I'm always thinking of you. And if I'm ever mad at you, it's always in the past by morning because you've already forgotten about it and I want it to be okay. A few months ago, none of this would've bothered me, but I'm going to ask you now: Why do I have to try so hard?
I really wanted to talk to you yesterday. You were gone all day and didn't even send me a single message. And when you finally called me, you said you were tired. I wouldn't say good night because it never mattered how tired I was, I would always stay up with you. I was really upset today and you just played it off like it was nothing. And I tried to too because I didn't want to make it into a big deal, because it
wasn't a big deal. Then later, you tell me you made plans with your friends when I had told you yesterday that I wanted to go work out. And you disregarded it when I pointed it out. That's not making plans. But hey, you'll throw me a bone; you can squish me into your busy schedule -- we can go running for a bit before you ditch me to hang out with your friends! I really wish you'd take me seriously and stop taking me so for granted. You say this isn't just another relationship to you, but you know what? You don't treat it like it's something special. In the end, I'm always the one who's more attached. In the end, I'm always the one who gets hurt. And that's exactly why we can't stay together after the summer.
Went with Jane to Del Amo for a while.
Got a strawberry-banana smoothie; their small is
small.
And then afterwards I dropped by Ryan's house to pick up his Sims; apparently they don't have a doorbell lol.
And then I came home and Mom tried to kick me out of the house. I'm gonna go cry now.
YMCA meeting today; so we started off the meeting with the supervisors asking some questions and rewarding a chocolate bar and a $3 gift card (that expired today lol). I was sitting at the same table as Ricardo and Jessica, and they each answered once, and for some reason Jessica got really competitive and volunteered me to answer the last question, which was basically asking what do you do when someone poops in the pool. And I knew it; you clear the pool, fish it out with the net, etc. But then they asked me what paperwork you file, and I never do the paperwork, and Jessica whispered Incident Report, and I said that, and then Art said, "... Yes and what else?" ... And yeah I felt kind of stupid. Also, I've already forgotten the answer lol.
