epilogue.

It's been one hell of a year. Where do I even begin? I've done so many things, I've made so many friends, I've gained so many memories that I will never forget. I went camping for the first time, I had chicken pot pie for the first time ... I fell in love for the first time and I had my heart broken for the first time. I don't want to say this whole year's been solely about that -- that'd be giving it way too much credit -- but it was definitely a huge story arc in this chapter of my life. In this blog you saw the beginnings and the development of a relationship and then the end of something that grew to be very important to me. You know in eighth grade, Mrs. Miller asked us whether we believed it was better to have loved and lost or to have never loved at all. I picked the latter. I'm not quite sure if I've completely changed my mind yet. I feel like I've lost a lot in the past few months. I lost my best friend and he moved right on without giving a damn. But would it be too cliche to say I feel I've grown a little stronger because of it? You learn to pick up the pieces of your life that are still left in the aftermath and then you realize the sun will still rise the next day. "Just get back up when it knocks you down." There's this little saying that's been circulating the internet for the past few years that goes like this:

"There comes a time in your life when you realize who will always matter, who does matter, and who never did. So don't worry about people from your past, there's a reason why they didn't make it to your future."

I'm so thankful to be where I am now. It's no secret that I'm not exactly compatible with change, but I have such a great mix of past meets present right now. I have so many great friends I can turn to whenever I'm feeling homesick or sad, meanwhile I'm in a brand new, invigorating environment meeting all of these amazing new people. There's this other saying that I found a while ago that I turn to all the time for comfort:

"When you come to the edge of all that you know, you must believe one of two things: either there will be ground to stand on, or you will be given wings to fly."

You know, I was talking to Billy a while ago. And I said that I just wanted to know if there was something better out there. I just wanted to know if I was going through all this crap right now for a reason. That I just wanted to know how this story ends. And he said it ends with "And she lived happily ever after." And you know what? I really like that ending. I'm excited for the rest of my life; I really am. ♥

[ ROUND THREE! ]

365.

It's my first day working the photoshop job at Dodd Hall! I actually got there slightly late cuhs my right leg started hurting in the back, behind the knee, so I was just kind of limping over there. When I got there, there was a note on the wall. Anyhow, it was great! It's a little reminiscent of working at Harbor UCLA when I just kind of worked on the computer mindlessly, but it was Photoshop, so it was great! I just did a lot of image color and quality adjustments, and it was really easy. And I'm getting paid for this! (`8

Khang was here for the weekend (plus today and tomorrow morning) to visit Bea, so we jumped at the chance to see him again! We all got dinner at De Neve (I swiped him in lol), and we ended up staying there for like two hours just talking!

They wanted to see my room so we headed over there afterwards. And then everyone took turns weighing themselves on my scale lol. And then Ken like destroyed my keyboard, and I got nervous with everyone watching me so I messed up playing hahaha fail. Khang and Bea took off around this time; it was so great seeing him again. I didn't get to see much of him at all this summer since he was hanging out with Bea the whole time, so this was really nice. (:

We went around looking for Liz and Eleanor, and found them in this room in the B building, and holy shit! They have their xbox hooked up to a projector and it looks awesome! I dragged Nouk and the other guys next door over, and they said they had the same idea and were gonna get a projector! I was kind of envious though, because we headed over to Ellie's room next door, and it was so social. Like, the people in the adjoined rooms just come in and hang out, as if it were the plazas or halls, and I really wished our floor was that social. ): All the more reason for the guys to get that projector in their room hahah.

We all headed to the Sundeck for that Sundae Monday Funday thing and it was pretty meh lol. Whatever, free ice cream is free ice cream right?

And after that, the guys and I headed back to their room and played some more of that crazy Chinese card game hahaha. I brought over my ipod and played it from their ipod home thing. It was really fitting; "She's Got You High" came on, and that's really where this all started. And then "Sweetest Girl (Dollar Bill)" came on, and it was just so symbolic because for the longest time I couldn't listen to that song because it just takes me straight back to the night after the Multicultural Day Assembly Rehearsal when I first heard it, and it made me so sad. And ... I was okay with it; in fact, it suddenly became a happy song. And you know what, whatever. I don't care if our room or floor or whatever isn't the most social; I'm glad I have the roommates I have and the friends that I've made from being in this exact, precise place that I'm at right now. ♥

364.

Mom and I went to pick up Fatemah around 7:30am and we all headed back over to UCLA for that group trip to the LA Plaza today. (8

Apparently my roommates had a lot of fun putting up all these Halloween decorations and Christmas lights!

... And look what they did with the bunk bed ladder no one's using!

Anyhow, Fatemah and I decided to grab some breakfast before we were supposed to meet up with everyone at 9:45am by the Bruin Bear. Except that on weekends they only serve brunch, which started at 9:30am. So we really had to hustle. Except Fatemah over here just took her sweet time eating and was all "the bus is at 10:20am anyway, they're not gonna leave us." |: So we ended up getting there like five minutes late, and everyone was there already. When Ryan saw us, he handed us this contact list with everyone's numbers. God, that guy is so awesome; he seriously has so much leadership and takes so much initiative!

Anyhow, when we finally got to the bus stop, the bus wasn't there! And then we saw the bus without a driver parked across the street on the other side, but it was a Layover or something (whatever that means), and we weren't supposed to board. And then we went back to where we were. And then we went back over when we saw the bus driver go back into the bus. Long story short, we spent a lot of time running back and forth, and the bus was totally like 20 minutes late lol. I guess it was a good thing though, cuhs Kristen totally overslept and was able to catch up with us here haha.

I've heard from Andy and Kristen heard from her friend that there are some weird people on the bus and it's true! I saw my first crossdresser! It was this skinny middle-aged guy in a bright red-orange cami and denim mini-skirt with tasseled boots. And then there was this scary black hobo guy with all these trash bags full of his stuff. And this guy with a really obvious toupee on. And then there was this creepy Mexican guy who stopped in front of Halina and just hung on the bars over her. Definitely an interesting experience though hahah.

We all got so excited when we got to the Metro hahaha. I love the subway! I haven't been on one since Europe!

... And then we ended up waiting like another 30 minutes for our subway to show up lol. We've had terrible luck with transportation. It was funny though cuhs we were all complaining about when it would arrive and then all of a sudden, this gust of wind starts blowing at us from the tunnel, and we were like ... "it's like a scene from a movie!" Hahahaha.

There was a guy playing the harp! ♥

Ryan, Kristen, Ahn and I got some yogurt afterwards lol. ♥

So it turns out my textbook is loose leaf after all, so I put all the pages into a binder! (8

I tried to do some studying, but I ended up grabbing dinner with Alyssa and her friend and friends of friends that we met there, and then afterwards the Amazing Race was on and I really wanted to see Kevjumba (I swear to God, they totally saved his ass for the ratings; I don't believe it's a coincidence at all!).

My backpack accessories are all falling apart! D`8 I've lost the Arc de Triumph altogether!

I stopped by the next door guys' room really quickly; they got this caricature done in Santa Monica for Peter's birthday dinner (which I couldn't make cuhs I went back home really early D8). They totally made Nou look like a girl hahaha.

Tiffany wanted to video chat with me and Jen, and I managed to convince them to download Oovoo after Tokbox failed for me; I don't know why online video chats just kill my computer! Anyhow, first it was just us three, then we told Tiffany to run upstairs and tell Brian to get on, and then Ned was on so we added him!

... And then Tiffany and Jen both signed off and we got other people hahaha. Honestly, I have absolutely nothing to be sad about. Look at all these great friends I have! They make me laugh so hard. ... Stupid Brian with his "finna" hahaha. ♥

363.

You know, every Saturday morning I wake up with this feeling of dread that I have to go to work at the Y. I just feel so lazy and I'd love to just sleep in and watch The Office. But I always feel so much better once I've gone, because it helps me keep my mind off things, and I really love my pre-dolphin kids; I've had them all for a couple sessions now, and I'm starting to get to know them pretty well! (:

... YESSS. You know. There is a direct correlation between my weight and my happiness. And usually this doesn't really work in my favor. BUT CHECK THIS OUT. (`8

After I got home from work I felt like eating some ramen, and Mom mentioned that they couldn't find the Korean ramen that I really liked that they threw out last time cuhs it'd gone bad or something, but Dad found this other one that was pretty good. So I tried it. And I thought it was really pretty meh. There wasn't much flavor to it besides the spiciness. :P

And then Mom and I grabbed some Umemura for dinner since we haven't had that for a while. I just wanted to do take-out, but she insisted on eating there, if only so we'd have some time to talk. ... But then on the drive over she changed her mind and agreed to bring it home, since they were right about to close anyway, and they'd probably appreciate it if we didn't stay so late lol. Anyhow, on the drive we talked a lot about what I wanted to name my kids someday hahah.

I wrote my first check ever today to Mom! (`8 ... Or I guess technically it wasn't the first one. Since the bank gave me three checks when I opened my account, and I've used those. But these are more legit!

362.

All that reading yesterday totally paid off! I went into my discussion today totally prepared, and I totally knew what they were talking about today. And I contributed a lot. (`8 We went outside for the second half of the class as a kind of exercise to prepare us for that mapping assignment we have to do. And ... it was so vague! No one knew what we were supposed to be looking for lol.

My shoes destroyed my foot. D8

OMGGG I LOST THE PALM TREE COSTUME! DDDD; I have no idea what happened to it! This makes me so sad, especially since it was a gift from Jasmyne and it was my favorite of the ones she gave me, but I'm glad I at least still have the Pooh.
--
I just spent all this time catching up on all the posts I was behind on from June because in four days my second year will be done. And ... God. I must be insane. Who else would put themselves through this when they're trying to move on? I really love my blog; I just wish it didn't make me miss what I used to love.

Remember this, Annie: listen to your heart and take responsibility for your actions because no one can tell you what will make you happy.

361.

Damn you Socal weather for being bipolar. Last week it was over 100 degrees. This week it was rainy and cold in the 60's. And this morning, I was prepared in my sneakers, long sleeve shirt under a black sweater, and jeans, and wtf, it's sunny and in the 70's? FML.

So I drew on Moshe's notes again today -- this time with highlighters! 8D

We had another one of those in-class concerts; cellos in the first half of class and then this guy on the violin in the second half. They were both really good! There was something really beautiful in this guy's expression as he played his instrument that compelled me to take a picture.

There was a poster sale outside Ackerman; John bought kettle corn from a stand next to it lol.

Anyhow, after lunch I went back to Ackerman to buy a new chem book (cuhs the guys wouldn't stop for me when we were there earlier -.-). When I got there, I found out that they only sold the books in packages: the textbook + the study guide + the model kit. And all I needed was the textbook. So I figured I'd just buy it online.

... But as I was checking out my cart on Amazon, I realized that I probably should buy the new study guide since it would correspond to the different problem numberings in the new book. And then when I added it to my cart, it was more expensive with shipping than it would have been if I just bought it at the store. So after I took a nap I walked all the way back over to Ackerman. And I ran into Ken along the way, just leaving Ackerman, so I dragged him back over to buy it with me lol.

He was trying to use up his coupons since they expire in like two days, so we went to get some free candy afterwards (he was extremely insistent that it was candy and it was free) lol. Apparently he was allowed to get 4oz of free candy and ... he went over LOL. And ended up paying like an extra $2 for it LOLOL.

And after that I lugged my purchase all the way back up to Hitch lol. They actually didn't have a hardcover so I just bought the loose leaf (I didn't actually realize what that meant until now, but I think it's actually a paperback), and it turned out to be even cheaper! (8

Afterwards I met up with Ken, Liz, and their friend Ellie at Rendezvous to eat before going to a Circle K (the college equivalent of Key Club) meeting. Damn them for choosing Rendezvous. I swore I wouldn't come here again this week. -.-

It was pretty crowded at the meeting; we were just standing in the back for a good hour and a half. The whole meeting was basically just them telling us all the events that were going on, and there were a lot of events lol.

After I got back, I was going to give Peter a can of Pringles for his birthday (hahaha lame I know) and wrote "Happy Birthday Peter!" on the lid. And then Natalie saw and wanted to decorate it lol.

After that I pretty much just locked myself in my room and read for the next four hours or so. It was a shitload of reading (100+ pages) and I actually finished it! (`:

36O.

I had my 8am chem discussion this morning and ... there was this guy who dresses exactly like Kent lol. Zip-up jacket over a dark t-shirt and shorts that hit just below the knees, white socks that come above the ankle, and brown shoes. I swear they were the same shoes too lol. Also, get this: he had big lips. Hahaha. My life is full of ironies.

Anyhow, I met up with Ken in his room a few minutes before we all met up at De Neve for lunch, and as we left his building, it started pouring! And Ken had this tiny little umbrella and I was clutching him trying to get under that damn thing, and I still got pretty soaked hahaha. Fail. In other news, I fell asleep twice in my LA cluster and only woke up because I dropped my pencil on my lap each time I nodded off lol.

Afterwards I went back to my room, took a long nap, and did the reading for music. Now this doesn't seem like much, but the fact that I can even take naps now and do the reading for long periods of time without music and without distraction and without getting sad and lonely is really saying something. (:

Afterwards, I went to dinner with the guys next door, and when we came back, Stephen taught us how to play Cribbage, this other obscure card game lol. Halfway through the game, Tae Keun (... I guess I really did butcher the spelling after all lol) came back with a Baskin Robbins ice cream cake cuhs it's Peter's birthday tomorrow (apparently he's turning 20 wtf!) I hope there'll still be some left tomorrow cuhs they're having it at 12am, and I don't plan on staying up so late tonight, and I really like ice cream cake hahahaha.

I asked Brianna to get me the newspaper about Moshe and here it is! And holy shit, he's not 12, he's 11! And he's a 3rd year, wtf holy shit!